“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Higher levels of anxiety seem to be the theme of my life the last few weeks.
We bought our house in Burlington on March 26, just 6 days after my 32nd birthday, we are picking up the keys next Thursday, July 28, and the movers coming July 29. We moved out of Bart’s condo in Toronto a year ago when it sold, into a house in Mississauga, and here we are with another move. Although this is an exciting time, it all of a sudden caused me a great deal of anxiety on Saturday when we did our “viewing” of the house. My throat felt like it was closing up, and my chest felt like it was caving in – I was paralyzed with fear. Fear that we made the wrong decision to buy a house, fear that we made the wrong decision to move to Burlington, fear that I wouldn’t like where we live, fear that maybe we would be better off back in Toronto, fear that I wouldn’t get enough clients in the GTA, I could keep going, but I won’t bore you! Since then, my mind has been going in circles. What’s better about this time around? I ACTUALLY spoke up and told my loved ones that I was feeling this way – I told Bart, I told my mom, and I told Bart’s sister. All three of these loved ones calmed me down in their own loving way, and every time a fearful thought comes into my mind, I try to work through it and turn it into a positive instead. It all comes down to the basic fact that I am TERRIFIED of change and I question EVERY SINGLE DECISION I MAKE, I can never just make a decision and be done with it. This kinda thing drives Bart INSANE. But, the fact that he can make a decision so quickly and be ok with it regardless of the consequences drives me insane too!!
I didn’t settle into our house in Mississauga until 3-4 months in, so I imagine it will be the case with our place in Burlington – I will just have to give it some time. What makes the anxiety worse is that Bart doesn’t experience ANY anxiety, just excitement, which freaks me out even more because I think “why can’t I think that way, why am I so scared of this, why can’t I get control over these thoughts”. But you know what, this is just the way I am, and now that I am aware of this fact, I know how to better prepare myself. Luckily, because Bart knows how anxious I do get with change, he will do whatever he can to help reduce it, and help me cope. For example, although he is the one working full time while I hang out at home all day, he has been working with the lawyer, the real estate agent and the bank, while only giving me pieces of tasks to get done, even while asking me if it’s too much for me to handle! I guess I’ve gone off the handle before and he wants to prevent that from happening again lol. On top of that, my mom and his mom are coming on Monday to help me pack EVERYTHING before the movers come, which again is BEYOND helpful! They both know how bad my fatigue and pain are, so this is a GODSEND. Are we blessed or what?!
My mom, my older bro (home from Singapore) and I ran into my childhood friend Katie (who is also my maid of honour) at Longo’s supermarket this afternoon, and after seeing her and chatting, my fears calmed down a bit more. She lives in Burlington with her husband and baby max 10 minutes away from our new house, so she is going to pop by the weekend we move in! I’m SO looking forward to that 🙂 I have another friend in Burlington as well, so slowly but surely I’ll get used to the fact that I do have loved ones close-by (brother and family 20 minutes away, parents 10 minutes away, Bart’s sister 15 minutes away, Bart’s parents 25 minutes away) and everything will be ok! Not to mention, my yoga studio is a 2 minute drive or a 15 minute walk away, there are tons of coffee shops around to feed my addiction, and so many nice parks to take Sully out to play.
Anxiety is so annoying in that it can be completely paralyzing. It is for me right now.
My anxiety has taken over my productivity and has almost completely shut down my creativity. Since this anxiety attack began, I haven’t been able to do any homework, or study for my final exam. The worst part is that my anxiety doesn’t solve any of the things I’m worried about, and the blocked energy flow this negative emotion generates only creates more problems.
We are only as happy as we make up our minds to be, so knowing that my happiness is all internal, I have nothing but my own attitude to adjust if I find myself going sour on my new destination.
We can always move on if we don’t like where we end up, and while that may not be the ideal situation I had imagined, I will still be alive, healthy, and loved.
All of my fears, no matter what form they take in my head (which creates them in my physical reality), stem from feelings that I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to make the big move and then feel unhappy in my new living environment. I dread feeling that I’ve made the wrong decision.
The chance of encountering any of these feelings and their related experiences is almost strong enough to stop me from going, even though it’s not a guarantee that any of these hypothetical situations will even occur.
What makes me hesitate, though, is that it’s not guaranteed that they won’t happen either.
The good news is, there is a way to keep these fearful experiences at bay.
After stripping my fears all the way down to the core feelings behind them, I realized that by worrying about these fictitious possibilities that may or may not happen, I am actually lining myself up with these lower vibrations—and I’m making myself a perfect match to attract these situations I fear.
It sounds confusing, I know. But understanding this emotional play is the key to freeing ourselves of anxiety and other paralyzing emotions. Knowing this “like attracts like” law of energy is our way out.
Every emotion carries with it an energy, a certain vibration, the highest of which are emotions such as love, appreciation, joy, and gratitude. Lower resonating emotions are feelings such as fear, guilt, shame, regret, anger, despair, humiliation, and anxiety.
Worry/anxiety is a vibrational match to humiliation, dread, and unhappiness, all of which I do not want to feel.
Therefore, if I worry about the possibility of encountering other situations that are going to bring me other emotions that I don’t want to experience, I will actually be setting myself to experience them!
The reason why I want things to work out in my favor is that I want to feel a certain way.
To open up to these feelings, I need to match that vibration emotionally—and non-stop worrying does not match.
If I want self-confidence, happiness, and security, I have to skip ahead to feeling that way now.
If you find yourself fraught with anxiety, feeling fearful about the future, you will attract your worst fears. When anxiety tries to bring us down, there are 3 things we can do:
1. Take a moment and see what feelings underlie your fears.
Then see if you can figure out how you’d rather feel and choose to feel that feeling instead. If you are having a hard time lifting your mood, get busy doing something you enjoy that will raise your positive vibration.
It’s easy to raise our vibration. Engaging in our hobbies is a great way to bump our vibes up a few notches, and it can be anything really—playing sports, cooking, baking, gardening, playing music, cleaning, exercising, meditating, practicing yoga, singing, dancing, crafting, building, organizing, or snuggling with your pet.
When we keep ourselves elevated, it’s really hard for anxiety to find us, helping to keep negative experiences at bay.
2. Instead of gripping at fear and worrying about whether or not something will work out, just know that it will.
This is what it means to have faith. Just know that no matter what the outcome, you will be okay, and if it is in your highest interest to have what you want, you will have it.
3. And last, ask the universe for what you want and then let go of the outcome.
Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on how you can be of service. When we are serving others, we are tapping into more of that feel-good energy, which will bring us more feel-good experiences.
Show up each day ready to serve the world, your family, your environment, and yourself. Focus on how you can add value to the lives of others. Good experiences will come to you.
Once we realize the root of anxiety, it is easier for us to transform it into positivity.
And on that note – I will now begin to take my own advice and turn my anxious thoughts and feelings into positive thoughts and feelings 🙂