If you love someone with chronic pain

Well, I am officially on Christmas holiday break from school – woop!!!! I have been quite stressed lately with all of the studying for exams and finishing assignments, plus attending seminars – I haven’t had time to make or prep meals properly, clean or organize the house, my car is a complete disaster, and my life in general feels like it’s all over the place! Can’t wait to tidy and clean our house (I know, I said it), clean out my car lol, do some organizing, and RELAX with a capital R! I ended off the semester with a 95% average, which I’m pretty happy with, let’s hope it stays that way until I’m done in August next year!

Bart is off for the next 2 weeks as well, and we started off our break right with his work Christmas party last night at “Liberty Grand” by Exhibition place in Toronto. It was a lot of fun, and his company went all out! Great company, open bar, amazing appetizers, a tasty dinner, and did I mention open bar? LOL. The music was awesome as well! Didn’t hurt that my date was quite handsome 😉 I’m not a drinker (I think the last time I had a drink was either in the summertime when my brother was home from Japan, or at my birthday in March), but I decided I needed a few after my crazy semester! I’m still kinda nursing that hangover! It’s not a good idea to drink when you live with chronic pain, fatigue, and depression, since it just makes it worse.



We spent the day at my parent’s today, decorated the tree, listened to “Raffi” (our family’s favourite xmas album, that’s actually on record, yes my parents still own their record player!), had some gingerbread, shortbread, and apple cider, and a great day of laughter and fun. We missed having Chris and Nami here to help, but I made sure to send them a couple videos of our tree decorating time 🙂




Tomorrow we’re meeting Bart’s sister for brunch at this AMAZING crepe place in downtown Oakville – again, food I shouldn’t be eating, but my strict diet isn’t going to start until January 1 due to the craziness of the holidays.

I want to send out a HUGE congratulations to my dear friend, Katie, and her husband Dan, who just welcomed their baby boy Lincoln Isaac into the world, on December 13, 2 months early!! It was quite the Christmas surprise, and I cannot wait to meet the little guy! Katie and I have been friends since we were 8 years old, so we go way back! I was BEYOND excited when I got her text message the other day!


I will stop blabbing and leave you all with the following article I found online:

Chronic pain is a condition that we all cringe when we hear, right? Imagine being a person that suffers from pain for more than 3 months. We also know there are many conditions which cause chronic pain such as back problems, arthritis, migraines and so on. It’s sad but not much more is said about how prevalent this condition may be. Unfortunately, it’s extremely common. Over 25 million people suffer from chronic pain in the US but a discussion of their problems goes under the radar. Chronic pain is not just physical – it’s an emotional journey. If you love someone that suffers from chronic pain, you will likely have to accommodate their situation as necessary.

Beyond the physical sensation of pain, here are 8 reasons why they suffer more than you think.

1. Chronic pain is invisible

Roughly 96% of illnesses are invisible meaning they do not have any external signals that point towards it such as a walking stick or wheelchair. After dealing with it for so long, they no longer grimace or cry every time they’re in pain.  It’s possible they look perfectly fine despite being in pain.

It’s easy for it to be ignored as a disability simply because it’s unseen. Therefore their problems can be subject to statements such as “just fight through it” which are dismissive. Chronic pain isn’t the same as the common cold or even a broken leg.

2. It leads to depression

25% to 75% of chronic pain sufferers experience moderate to severe depression. This, in addition to being in frequent pain means it’s very easy to withdraw and stop engaging in day to day activities. It strains relationships with friends and family which in turn decreases their quality of life further. It is a vicious cycle that even affects how effective pain treatment is.

As Rachel Benner says, “it’s important for them to incorporate structure, activities, socialization, purpose and meaning into each day of their lives.”

3. They don’t know how it started

It’s possible to have pain without a clear origin or an injury that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Having a reason for an injury is helpful – you can be more careful next time. More importantly, it provides closure. Without a reason, prolonged pain becomes becomes completely meaningless and feels like terrible bad luck.

Bad luck should be missing the bus to work. Not years of pain.

Suffering without meaning creates questions that demand answers. However, those answers either don’t exist or require a very long time to discover. Both possibilities have adverse effects on their mood.

4. They don’t know if it’ll end

Especially if the person is young, this causes incredible amounts of despair. They start to wonder whether they can handle being in pain every day for the next 10, 20, or 30 years.

Here’s the kicker – it is possible there’s no end. It’s possible they could have to suffer from pain for the rest of their lives and this becomes more real to them the longer it persists.

5. They blame themselves

There’s an expectation to have gotten used to the pain after a while the same way one might get used to a walking stick. It’s easy to self-criticize for not being able to do certain things you used to like stay out with friends or complete work on time. Sometimes, they’ll want to fight the pain and if they fail, they’ll blame themselves for not working hard enough. This can lead to self-loathing and feelings of guilt because they cannot live life at the same pace as their friends and family.

Living exactly the same life as your peers is unrealistic when you suffer from chronic pain. The expectation to do so creates a burden they blame themselves for.

6. They aren’t making a mountain of a molehill

People often underestimate chronic pain. In combination with chronic pain being an invisible illness, they can often hear the phrase ‘you don’t look ill’ turn to ‘it can’t be that bad’.

We’ve all been in pain but it’s surprisingly difficult to imagine having a pain that lasts literally every day. It might be tempting to try motivating them using a pep-talk but it can result in guilt tripping which is be incredibly demotivating. It’s important not to use throwaway lines like ‘you’ll get over it’ because it distances you from the problem and isolates those with chronic pain.

7. It’s exhausting

Chronic pain requires a lot of energy. It’s like having four flat tires and half a tank of gas then starting a cross country tour.

Every activity ranging from getting out of bed to washing dishes to waiting for the bus takes a significant amount of energy. As a result of this, they might have to cancel plans and end the day early. Loving someone with chronic pain means cutting them some slack or planning more low-key events with them.

8. They appreciate your support

Suffering from chronic pain can feel lonely and hopeless. The relationship between a person and their pain is dynamic. It can change from apathy to frustration to hopelessness over time. These changes on a persons outlook on life and their pain are difficult to deal with especially if they become consumed with frustration. The changes are unique for every person so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

As you can see, chronic pain is just as emotional as it is physical. Having a person who simply listens and tries their best to understand can make that journey much easier.

A supportive friend is invaluable.

Your support is treasured dearly!

Enjoy your last minute xmas shopping and time with family! I’ll be doing mine on Monday morning, bright and early…with a coffee or two in hand 😉

Xoxo Lex


2 thoughts on “If you love someone with chronic pain

  1. You look beautiful, Lex!!! Great post… I am going to share it with friends and family. Enjoy your break and have a Very Merry Christmas!! (Congrats on your grades too)


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