This is something I struggle with quite a bit. For instance, this week, I had an intense week at school, didn’t get much sleep, was incredibly stressed, and am extremely worn down. I went to bed at 930 last night, fell asleep for a bit, and then was awake from 1-530 until I finally was able to sleep for 1.5 more hours (sort of). I couldn’t function enough this morning to even make myself a cup of coffee, so I picked one up on the way to school, not to mention getting in the shower, and getting organized for school. Then what happened when I got to school? Our teacher didn’t show up after waiting for him for an hour – apparently he had the wrong day in his calendar. UGH! I drove home, and all I wanted to do was take a nap. I had 2 more cups of coffee throughout the day to stay awake, and as I sit here, I can barely keep my eyes open.
Tonight is my monthly book club with my girlfriends, and although I look forward to this night every single month, and every ounce of me WANTS to go and enjoy the night with these girls, my body just won’t let me do it. I’m half asleep, and my brain probably couldn’t function enough to drive and get there, let alone stay awake past 9PM. I really, truly want to go, so I have been going back and forth for the last 2 hours about what to do, but I’ve finally realized I need to accept the fact that my body and mind won’t allow me to, and what I really do need right now is REST. I wish I could go, and am sad I’m missing this, but it’s a decision I have to deal with.
This happens a LOT with me, so much so that it puzzles Bart. I’m already an indecisive person, so living with this chronic illness makes it that much harder. I want to please everyone, and sometimes I have to realize that my health needs to come first, and my friends and family will understand.
If any of you have suggestions on how to handle this guilt, or how to avoid it in the first place, please feel free to offer some advice my way!
So I’m sitting here trying to accept the decision of staying home on the couch, and heading to bed early, and just look forward to the next book club night, which by the way, I will be hosting.
For my book club girls, hope you are having a fantastic night, and have a glass of wine for me please!